Although some situations may require direct, and confrontational action, we wanted to provide some light-hearted and creative ways to get out of an uncomfortable date. This article is more for those situations where the spinach caught in his teeth is too distracting to continue, or when her incessant referrals to the Kardashians makes leaving immediately a necessity.
The Magician.
Requirements:
– 1 x Blindfold (a well-folded napkin will suffice).
While this exit strategy requires a prop, it can be modified if you forgot to plan ahead. Remember this: failing to prepare, is preparing to fail. Regardless, this one is simple. Should you find yourself in an unwanted situation, draw conversation towards the realm of mystery and intrigue. Ask your date if they like magic tricks. 95 percent of people will respond positively to this; the other 5 percent may require a little convincing. Once you have your date on the topic of magic tricks, tell them that you know how to make something appear—this can range from something familiar, like a bunny rabbit, or if extravagance is your forte, a teacup pig singing La Cucaracha, for instance. Ask to blindfold them so that the trick can be performed. As soon as they are blindfolded, make your escape. We hope that you would pay the bill before ditching, but that is up to you. See you later!
The Superhero.
Requirements:
– 1 x Superhero costume and mask.
This strategy does need a little preparation, but it is excellent for a sudden getaway. If you wear your superhero costume under your regular attire, this escape can be used at any time. If your date starts reciting the Canterbury Tales or tries to convince you that Fast and Furious 3: Tokyo Drift ISN’T the best movie in the world, then this move is clutch. To perform this move, frantically look around, say to your date, “Please don’t tell anyone…” then unbutton your shirt to reveal your superhero costume, don the mask, and sprint away. Voila.
The Fainter.
Requirements:
– 1 x Tomato sauce packet (optional).
An oldie, but a goldie. This one works regardless of where the date is. All you need to do is faint. Whether you’re at a restaurant and topple backwards out of your chair, or at the movies and you slump forward onto the ground, this is a guarantee. The tomato sauce packet can be used to add drama to the situation. If you can find a way to pop it and make it look like you’re all bloodied up after a fall, you’ll be whisked away in an ambulance and away from your date in no time. Calmly explaining what went down to the medic once you’re in the ambulance is recommended.
The Celebrity.
No requirements.
This one is slightly situational. It doesn’t work very well in movie theatres, for instance. However, it is rather versatile and highly effective. Whether you are going for a stroll or eating a meal, this method will get you out quickly. Pretend as if you have seen someone famous walking past, “OMG, it’s Sir John Key!” or “No way, is that competitive eating legend, Takeru Kobayashi?” We are sure that your date would understand if you sprinted off without having time to explain that the date is over in pursuit of an admired celeb.
Being blunt.
No requirements.
This escape strategy is perfect for the confrontational. Also, it can be tailored to fit almost any person, in any situation. If you are not afraid of being upfront and honest/blunt with your date, then simply tell them. Alternatively, if you can’t find anything intelligent to say, choose from this list.
– “Excuse me, I didn’t want to say anything, but this seat is covered in cat hair, and I’m starting to react violently.”
– “Pardon me, the voices in my head are telling me to leave.”
– “I can’t believe it. I’m missing Married at First Sight for this?”
– “I have to go, I’m sorry. I need to continue my research into finding out where the sun goes at night.”
– “I’m sorry, I have to go. Felicity Huffman said she’d pay for my college tuition and we’re having a meeting.”
