Review | They Will Kill You

They Will Kill You is honestly one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a very long time.

It genuinely makes you wonder how films like this even get approved in the first place. Who reads a script like this, signs off on it, and then decides, “Yes, this deserves a budget”?

The storyline sounds like it could work on paper. Two sisters reunited after years apart, with the older one trying to protect the younger, while a group of people is determined to kill and sacrifice her.

Add a secret cult of wealthy elites that has been operating for decades, and you might expect something interesting. Instead, it feels like a much worse version of a million other movies that have already done this idea better.

The whole “rich people selling their souls to the devil for eternal youth” angle isn’t new, and here it is handled in such an over-the-top way that it becomes almost stupid and laughable (only one man in the audience was laughing).

There is no depth or world-building, and it just seemed like scene after scene of blood and violence. They Will Kill You has almost no proper plot. It’s basically 90 minutes of non-stop killing, gore, and chaos, and that was not enough to make it a horror-action movie.

Even the action scenes feel off. The way the blood splatters, the exaggerated violence, and especially the body regeneration effects all look weird and super gamified, literally like something straight out of an early-2000s PC game.

On top of that, They Will Kill You is so predictable. You can see exactly where it’s going from early on. Asia Reeves, the main character, cuts her way through everyone, destroys the centuries-old cult, saves her sister Maria, and escapes. There’s no real suspense, no twists, just an obvious ending.

Oh, and the devil design is a giant pig-headed figure that’s more gross than frightening. It’s supposed to be spooky, but it ends up being more “ew” than anything else, and not in a good horror way.

By the end, I wasn’t shocked, scared, or even entertained; I was waiting for it to be over. There’s nothing believable or memorable, and I cannot pinpoint even one reason to watch They Will Kill You. It’s a complete waste of time.