The SPCA’s adoption centre lists all their rescued animals looking for a home around NZ. It details the animals’ ages, histories, and personalities – and there are some really bizarre ones. If you’re looking for a stand-out pet (some who need a little extra love), look no further.
BIG JOE
There are four roosters currently on the site, but Big Joe is our pick. The SPCA site says they found him wandering around “places that roosters aren’t supposed to be,” which is very mysterious. Where did Big Joe come from? The mafia? A zoo? He promises to do “cool chicken things” if you give him a nice home and plenty of space – is this a dance move?
He’s described as “a big, beautiful man” and judging by the picture that’s completely accurate.
MAGGIE
Don’t be fooled by Maggie’s cute exterior – she’s seen things. Found on the road as a puppy, Maggie has grown into a strong, independent bitch. She “will not tolerate being picked up or babied.” Same, Maggie – same.
KURT COBUN
Kurt arrived at the SPCA with “a friend,” who we assume is fellow rabbit Jimi Bundrix. After some grooming and guitar lessons, the two are available for adoption. Of all the terrible names the SPCA’s rabbits are given, these is the worst. You can also adopt Moo or The Fonz.
Kurt enjoys his freedom and the odd pat, but isn’t a cuddler.
MIDNIGHT THE CAT
This terrifying cat stands out to us for her full name: Midnight the Cat. Who is the other Midnight? Why did the SPCA feel the need to differentiate? Has Midnight the Cat previously taken another form?
Midnight the Cat is a “sweet, big cat who is looking for a quiet home.” We assume this is to practice witchcraft in.
SARGE
Sarge is described as “a very smart and very intelligent young man,” which furthers our initial suspicion that this is a human cursed into the form of a handsome dog, perhaps by Midnight the Cat. This absolute looker is very active, and loves attention – we put money on him being a Leo.
He’s in perfect health, and has all his paperwork in order.
KOROPIKU
This actual turkey was found on “a property,” details undisclosed. He’s still “coming into his own,” but we do not know what that means for a goddamn turkey. Koropiku likes maize, bugs, and long walks in the grass.
BOLIVE
Bolive, as in “olive” with a B, looks as upset by her name as we are. After being named Bolive, she has developed some trust problems. “Please don’t worry if I tend to avoid touching humans,” reads her description. “That’s only so I can feel safe.”
Please, someone offer poor Bolive a loving, tasteful home.
RUPERT STARGAZER
Wee Rupert Stargazer is looking for his forever home. He loves company and is great with kids – he’ll be the star of every family gathering. He’s been hand-raised from day one, so loves cuddles. He’d like to grow old on a lifestyle block, listening to Pink Floyd and naming constellations.
GUINEVERE
Guinevere has a face like an ink-blot test and the whip-fast legs of frightened Olympian. Guinea pigs are social, so if you’re going to adopt Guinevere you should consider picking up another guinea pig too (we suggest Gonzo, that wild child).
KARO
Hey, would you like a dove? The Christchurch SPCA has a dove. It’s called Karo, and they think it got lost in a strong wind. Why not pick up a dove?
