Married at First Sight has returned for another year of drama and gossip, and it seems anything but true love.
As viewers settle in to be glued to their screens for the next two months, it seems that once again, we have been fed a batch of dull, dim-witted so-called influencers who have one solid purpose of being on the show – fame.
It is, of course, by utter coincidence that nearly half of the 2024 cast have appeared on television before, that again, by coincidence obviously, have the ability to lie through their teeth at any given chance.
And it wouldn’t be another season of Married at First Sight, or MAFS as the cool kids say, without the inclusion of man buns. It is overall disappointing to have only two this season, however, but any lost stock is more than made up for in the amount of Botox and fillers.
Without further ado, let’s meet this year’s lineup.
The first couple of the year was Sara and Tim. Sara, in all honesty, deserves a medal for the outright horrific experiences she has had to endure. Emotionally sobbing, Sara revealed that she was once asked to pay on the second date – oh, how traumatic! She is a true hero of all times.
Her husband, Tim, is a self-employed online business owner from Queensland. One thing the pair have in common is the ability to speak fluent Spanish. My my, how the experts have outdone themselves.
Tim ultimately made a big mistake in the poor choice of an idiot best man, who proceeded to expose Tim’s colourful past in his best man Ben’s speech. Ben did, however, deserve air time, mainly because of his impressive beard and mullet combination.
It was soon revealed that Tim had only recently come out of a long-term relationship six months prior. Honestly, the nerve of some people.
Couple number two, Cassandra and Tristan, are arguably two of the nicest people the ‘experiment’ has ever had on the show. Both Cassandra and Tristan seem to have won over each other’s families.
At the end of the first episode, Tristan admitted he had sore cheeks from smiling throughout the day, and honestly, we were with him. By this stage, we had to re-stock the Tim Tam supply for episode two.
The instant red flags were out for couple number three, Jack and Tori.
Gym owner Jack and corporate warrior Tori seem to be on the same page. Shared interests include being the dominant character, hand tattoos, and men with beautifully executed man buns.
Jack was initially unsure if Tori would be the one, and at that moment, a sigh of rage rippled throughout the country. For goodness sake, at least wait until the honeymoon. This single act provided much discussion on X for viewers at home.
Team Tori was supported by her best friend and viewer nemesis, Lea, who didn’t trust Jack as far as she could throw him.
True friend Lea decided the wedding was the perfect place to express her distaste for Jack, whom she decided obviously couldn’t be trusted, considering he had no high school friends at his wedding. With that logic, all of us are inferior. Her reasoning for not trusting him was also highly credible, as she could “just feel it in my bones”.
With all this drama, there is a high demand for some calmness and tranquillity. Enter Lucinda and Timothy.
Self-described ‘Tin Man Tim’ feels as if his heart has been broken so many times that he needs a new one. Cue sick bag.
Peaceful, gracious, and eloquent, Lucinda seems to have a kind and caring vibe about her, which will be interesting to see in a pressure-cooker relationship.
Battling the loss of his father, his last surviving family member, only five weeks prior to the wedding, Timothy seems lost in his ways. A man of no spiritual belief, Timothy has been paired with Lucinda, who has a passion for meditation and mindfulness. What could possibly go wrong?
Besides the chicken wing blessing and torrential downpour, the couple seems to be on a good trajectory.
Every viewer loves the underdog, which is why we are digging Natalie and Collins, it seems.
Once viewers could adjust to hearing Collins instead of Collin, the pair of self-embracing ‘dorks’ tied the knot after realising they shared nearly every common interest from Green Day to Melbourne Football.
Whilst it was all systems go for the newlyweds, it seems Collins (still hard to say) couldn’t remember who he was married to. When asked the name of his bride, he confidently answered ‘Nicky’. That was truly unacceptable, Collins.
After the wedding and onto the honeymoon, Natalie and Collins had a romantic evening divided by a pillow wall and eventually separate rooms. Oh, how the sparks fly these days.
Celebrity kickboxer and future shampoo spokesperson Jayden provided the second appearance of a man bun this season. The brother of 2021 contestant Mitch, Jayden, was paired with Disney-princess lookalike Eden.
The pair seemed in good spirits throughout the ceremony and reception, interrupted by the shocking announcement that Eden had another man in her life. This turned out to be her dog. At this moment, we all cringed.
Jayden began to feel as if he was being judged by Eden’s family when questions arose about his professional kickboxing career. But, alas, it was all a misunderstanding.
The final couple of the week was Ellie and Ben, which featured a celebrity cameo appearance by none other than the real-life Mr Bean!
Sorry, that should have been Ellie’s cousin, Jordan. But to be fair, he’s the spitting image.
Registered nurse Ellie and tour guide Ben seem like the perfect match. Both are young, ready to start a family (occasionally a bit too pushy on that subject) and seem to have several shared interests.
All hell broke loose when Ellie’s saint-of-a-cousin Jordan decided to ask third-degree questions at the wedding. It was so good of him to take on this task, considering no one else wanted to do it or had any intention of doing it.
It was soon revealed that whilst his purpose of being on the show seemed genuine, Ben had applied to be on MAFS before, as well as The Bachelor. Not to jump to conclusions, but this sounded a bit fishy.
Once Jordan granted his prestigious approval, the wedding proceeded. Although normality seemed to overcome all rumours, this couple will certainly be one to watch.
As the week concluded, the gruelling task of waiting until Sunday night for the next episode provided a similar feeling from years gone.
